State of Affairs

I had a rest day today.
I have transportation sorted out.
I have my breakfast for tomorrow ready.
My running stuff is all laid out.

Tomorrow I will attempt, for the first time ever, to run a sub-25 minute 5k.
The quickest I've managed so far is 25:31
I was a stone heavier when I did that in June last year.
I have a colleague who is a better runner and much fitter than me who is going to mark out a sub-25 5k.

On Thursday I ran 2 miles in 15:06, which is a 07:33 pace.
To do a 25 5k I need to run a 08:00 pace.
I should aim for a 24 minute 5k, which is approximately a 07:44 pace.

I'm terrified I'm going to fail, like I did the fitness test, like I have at losing much weight recently, like I do most challenges I set myself. I will go to bed worrying about letting myself down. About letting my colleague down.

I will get up anxious tomorrow. I will have a shower anxious, I will eat breakfast anxious, I will drive there anxious. I will meet my friends at the race anxiously. I will warm up anxiously. I will stand in the crowd, moving from foot to foot anxiously, making sure my laces are tied anxiously, making sure my the bun in my hair is tight but not too tight anxiously, I will check my iPod is ok anxiously, I will look from the start banner to the road I'm going to be running on for the next 5k anxiously.

When the start gun goes I will turn to my colleague, grin, and start running.

And I will not stop. I will keep going. I will push myself even though I'm tired, even though I'm sweating, even though my throat is tight and my lungs gasping for air. I will keep going even though I want to stop.

I will refuse to give in.

Wish me luck.